If you have no idea what the title means, then shame on you. For the rest of you, yes, I thought the time was right to examine Game of Thrones and why everyone should watch it.
I know there are several people out there who like to update their Facebook and Twitter status with “Never seen a single episode of GOT, what’s the big deal”, well before I get into that, what do you lot do for fun? Stick pins in your eyes? Pull the wings off flies?
Now I have that out of my system, let’s look at why this is such a brilliant series… that’s the word you use, series… not season… I know winter is coming, but just stop it.
Who doesn’t like a Dragon or three? Smaug, Draco, Falcor and Puff the Magic are just some of the famous Dragons we all know and love. A creature that has never, and will never exist, embrace a bit of fantasy, let’s face it, if they did exist, the human race may have struggled. Fortunately, in this scenario we have Daenerys to keep them in check, she is after all the Mother of Dragons… and The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regent of the Seven Kingdoms and Breaker of Chains… she has more titles than Anthony Joshua.
SPOLIER ALERT: As we enter series eight she is down to two Dragons, she lost one… how do you misplace a Dragon?
2 CHARLES DANCE
He’s been acting since Jesus walked the earth, and been in everything from TV series like The Professionals and Tales of the Unexpected to big budget films such as Alien 3, Underworld and Dracula Untold… seems he has a thing for vampires? If Charles Dance has appeared in a series, it’s basically like being given royal approval, end of. He isn’t the only acting royalty in this, Iain Glen, Liam Cunningham, Johnathon Pryce and Diana Rigg all have parts to play in this twisted saga. Although to balance things out Paul Kaye is in it too… remember Dennis Pennis?
SPOILER ALERT: Shame he gets killed on the shitter by a dwarf.
Macabre right? Well remember back in the 80’s and 90’s (and anything before then too) a film or tv series would have the good vs evil battle, good would win and the guy gets the girl and lives happily ever after… got real boring didn’t it? None of that here, for a start we have half a dozen different ‘houses’, and you can decide for yourself who is good, who is evil. For the record anyone who sides with Cersei is a serial killer… my ex would love her! Secondly as for the happy ending, there is a simple rule with GoT, anyone can die at any time. Think big name actor means longevity, think again, just ask Sean Bean.
SPOILER ALERT: Ned Stark looses his head… and I don’t mean he get’s annoyed because someone parked their horse in his space at work.
Move over George Romero, GoT has Frozen Zombies! Known as the White Walkers, these flesh eating Skeletor wannabe’s inhabit the frosty bit north of The Wall. As with all good collectives, there is a chap in charge of these wandering bone warriors, The Night King to his friends… and pretty much anyone else. If they kill you, they take your corpse and re-animate it, standard Zombie fodder.
SPOILER ALERT: Fortunately it has been discovered along the way that if a bit of Dragon Glass (don’t ask me) finds its way into a White Walker, it should dispose of them nicely, think of Dracula and wooden stake.
5 ADULT THEMES
Pretty much nothing is off the table here, Jamie and Cersei get jiggy with it, despite being brother and sister. Loras Tyrell is gay, Yara Greyjoy is bisexual and of course what would be modern day swingers, Oberyn and Ellaria. There’s quite a bit of action in the brothel, and yes when I say action, I do mean that sort of action. Tyrion drinks more alcohol than a Hen Do in Newcastle, and it goes without saying that murder is de-rigueur.
SPOLIER ALERT: At the end of last season we found out Jon Snow was getting busy with his own Aunty and I fully expected him to start doing some class A’s off her naked body… didn’t happen… there’s time yet.
6 POP STAR CAMEOS
At this point all 10 million viewers will immediately shout the name of Ed Sheeran, as his was the most obvious cameo, but there are others. Snow Patrol singer Gary Lightbody, Coldplay drummer Will Champion, Sigur Ros (An Icelandic band) and last but not least various members of Mastodon. I’ll admit I wasn’t aware of all these to begin with, I had to have a quick Google… more worrying for some of them, I then had to Google their name to find out who the hell they were. Still, at least now I know Mastodon are a heavy metal band that makes videos with scantily clad ladies twerking, and Sigur Ros created a track called Hoppipolla which has been used on an advert for something… do you think I can remember which one! Still, every cloud…
THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
Now it would be unfair for me to give you the impression that those 6 items make up the core of Game of Thrones, but these are some of my favourite things. There’s much more to it than that, there are some great battles, which is something I haven’t really touched upon. There’s the physical and mental torture inflicted on a few individuals by Ramsay Bolton, don’t worry, he get’s his just desserts eventually. Let’s not forget politics too, this lot make the British government look like amateurs (insert your own Brexit joke here). If there is an advantage to be gained, it will usually be exploited, generally by Little Finger, and he has that little finger in more pies than Mr Kipling.
So for those of you who are preparing that ‘I’ve never watched Game of Thrones, and proud’ status, maybe you should rethink your erroneous ways. Or maybe you do watch it, but think it’s cool not to be a sheep and are basically a Red Wedding denier. The final series is about to launch, if you start watching from the beginning now, you shouldn’t have to go a day without an episode. Alternatively you could just pop down to the local haberdashery and buy some more pins for those peepers.
This is of course just my humble opinion… and it would appear my friends have a different opinion…
Either way… WINTER IS COMING!